


Whispered

by ChocolateOrange



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 23:40:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7821772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolateOrange/pseuds/ChocolateOrange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine knowing that now would be the very last time you live, knowing once you’ve closed your eyes, you’d never open it ever again...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whispered

Imagine knowing that now would be the very last time you live, knowing once you’ve closed your eyes, you’d never open it ever again. What would be the last thing you want to see? The very last one before your departure. The thought, the very thought, floating on Yamada’s mind, in between the pain and heavy breathing he’s enduring. In between the consciousness that is slowly slipping away. Both lids of his eyes are starting to get heavier, he weakly keeps blinking nonetheless.

            Saw the bright lights of the operation room right above him. Saw faces covered with surgery mask. He’s hearing voices too, voices of these people talking in far distance. All of those he’s trying to perceive each time he blinks open his eyes. But, the struggles seem to be a losing battle by each seconds passing as he’s striving. It’s like all he wants to do is sleeping. And he’s never been this tired before.

            “Let’s do it again!” said a voice when Yamada finally gave in on trying to open up his eyes.

            “Ready? One, two, three!” said another and Yamada felt his body jolted. And the thought came back to his mind. In his mind, he asks himself, what would I want to see if I will really be departing this time?

            Oh, his parents smile would be so great to see. Or the very view of his late grandparents house up in the hill of Sendai will surely be lovely to see. His step brother, Hikaru, has this mischievous look he’d pull everytime he’s about doing something so fun and fantastic. He’d love to see that too, because whenever he sees it, Yamada knows, he knows, something amazing’s about to take place.

            “One, two, three!” the voice could be heard again and once more, his body’s jolted. Stronger this time. In the distance, voices are crowdily talking, yet, Yamada felt everything falls into quietude, into tranquility. The only sound he can perceive is the soft beating of his heart. The sound’s echoing around his head. He never knew it before that the sound of one’s beating heart could be this calming.

            Then, where was he again? Oh, right, the question of what is it he’d like to see for the last time? The question still haunts him. Yamada tries to open his eyes, failing still again.

            “Okay, we got him back! We got him!” the voice echoed along with another voices and more voices. He barely could recognize them. They all sounded unfamiliar. For the next moments, Yamada can’t even tell what all these people around him are doing. Their voices are still too distant. He’s still unable to force his eyes open.

            “Ryosuke…” Until then, this voice came into him. A voice he’d always recognize in the sea of sounds and voices anywhere in this entire universe. The voice that finally doesn’t seem too distant, it seems close enough instead. He seems close enough, Yamada felt like he can already see his face, though his eyes still refuse to open.

            _“Yuto…”_ Yamada called out, yet his voice’s not coming out.

            “Ryosuke…” When Yamada heard him the second time, he pull all his remaining strength to open his eyes. And there, he saw his face. It’s Yuto. He’s right there, looking at him. Then, suddenly, it’s like he finally had the answer to his question before. Of thing he’d like to see before departuring.

            He’d like to see him for the last time. He’d like to meet Yuto… for the last time. Unlike his parents face and smile, or Hikaru’s or his grandparent’s, sometimes, in fact, many times, Yamada is scared that he’d forget what Yuto looks like. And he’s surely won’t like that. If the universe would kindly granted it to him, Yamada would like to keep Yuto’s face in his mind.

            “Ryosuke…” Yuto called out to him again. And Yamada wonders what are those words behind Yuto’s eyes that he’s seeing now? Yuto’s eyes felt like speaking out so many words, yet, Yuto doesn’t say anything at all. He’s just looking at him. Yamada couldn’t produce even a single sound and his eyelids’re getting heavier again.

            Then, right before his eyes’re closing, Yamada sees it in Yuto’s eyes. Something behind his eyes. Something Yamada’s been longing to see for so long already. Something that kept him in what it seemed like an endless wonder, if there will ever be the day he sees it in the way Yuto is looking at him.

            Something like, “I love you too…”.

            Yamada doesn’t even know if what he saw is real. Or if Yuto is really there, calling out his name, looking at him in such way he thought of. But, if now would be the time of departing, he’d be happy enough to believe it all really did happen. He wouldn’t ask for anything else, for anything more. This is enough. He got everything he needs.

 

\--

 

            _“I’m here…”_

            It’s his voice again. Yamada stopped his feet upon hearing the exact same voice and words for over again. Even clearer this time than the last one. He sweeps his eyes, scanning the serene white forest he’s been wandering around for sometime now.

            “There, did you hear that?” he asked the petite guy a few feet away behind him. The said guy could only frowned slightly in confusion at him and slowly shaking his head. “It’s Yuto, Chii. It’s Yuto’s voice. Did you hear that?” he told him.

            And Yamada is sure, he’s hearing Yuto’s voice saying, “I’m here…”, ever since the first time he found himself in this white forest, where he met Chinen by the lake when he’s strolling around the white forest. He hears it over and over again. On each steps he takes, the voice would sometime get distant, while some other time, it would get closer and clearer, even louder. And Yamada’s been walking through the forest with Chinen tailing him, believing that the voice would get them somewhere. That whenever Yuto’s voice got clearer and louder, it’s a sign of they’re already taking the right path.

            There’s something else that’s been bothering his mind too actually, but, Yamada tried not to think about it too much. For now, he just needs to keep on walking and going ahead to wherever Yuto’s voice’s guiding him.

            “I didn’t hear anything and honestly, Ryo-chan, where are we going? Are we heading somewhere?” Chinen asked him. He’s been nothing but relief and happy when he saw Yamada there in the lake of the white forest. He’s been trapped in this place for too long and he’s running thin on hope of getting out of this bizzare place and getting back home. And seeing his bestfriend there, feels like a bliss of great comfort. But then, Yamada kept on saying strange things like hearing Yuto’s voice and leading them to strolling down the forest in the direction still unknown to him.

            “That’s what I hope,” Yamada said. “Come, Chii, we need to keep going, I think we’re close all ready,” he said then, before he begins to walk again. It’s always daylight here in the white forest, there’s no night. Yamada can barely tell time here, he can barely tell where he’s actually at now. All he knows, he needs to keep walking. The sooner he gets to where they have to be, the better.

            “Are we heading home?” Chinen asked him again in the middle of their walk. Yamada doesn’t answer him right away this time. Until Chinen heard him softly mumbled.

            “You are…”

            “And what does it even mean?” Chinen badgered. He sounded a little impatient and worried, as well anxious upon Yamada’s barely audible answer. He stopped on his track and seconds later, Yamada’s stopping as well. The latter slowly turning back at Chinen behind him. “Ryo-chan, please tell me what’s going on?”

            “He’s not smiling anymore, Chii…,” Yamada told him after awhile. “And you should not leave him back then. I…,” Yamada let a moment passed in silence before he continue on his words. “I shouldn’t take him away from you…”

            “What are you talking about? Ryo-chan, there’s no such thing—“

            “I took something that isn’t mine and now… I’m giving it back…” Then, Yamada threw his eyes to two giant old trees a few meters away in front of them. The trees have no leaves, it’s only branches that looks like connecting to each other on top of it. Making it look like they’re forming one huge shelter.

            _“I’m here…”_

            Yuto’s voice again. Loud and clear. Yamada looking back at the confused Chinen. He took Chinen’s hand with his and started walking towards the two trees.

            “Ryo-chan? Ryo-chan, will you tell me what’s going on?” Chinen kept on calling him, but Yamada refused to say anything. Until they arrived right in front of the two trees, Yamada had Chinen standing on the opposite side of him.

            “Go…,” Yamada told Chinen.

            “Go where?! Ryo-chan, I don’t understand, what is really—“

            “Will you please tell Yuto that I said hi?” Yamada tried to crack a smile as he said those words. “Tell him that a smile suits him best,” his eyes’re glazed with tears by now. This is the time, this is what he has to do. “And I want to see him smile… a lot. Wherever I might be at…”

            “No, Ryo-chan—“

            Yamada doesn’t let Chinen finish his words for he suddenly pushed the shorter guy into the shady side under the shelters of the branches. He watches Chinen’s figure engulfed into the bright white lights Yamada’s been seeing glowing under the shelter of the branches. The bright white lights that’s slowly went out as Chinen’s figure also disappearing. Yamada still manages to pull a smile despite his falling tears.

            “And tell him that I love him always…,” he whispered more like to himself, for he is now on his own. He stands there for quite long after that, in a quietness of the white forest, all alone, there’s no more Yuto’s voice echoing. By then, Yamada knew, he is right. It was Chinen, Yuto’s been calling out.

 

\--

 

            They said, he’d hear him. Despite the state he’s in now, the fact he’s been sleeping for almost a month already, he’d hear him. Whatever he says. But, Yuto would always finds himself left with nothing to say. He’d always finds himself deciding on words to say. Each day he’s spending there in his room in the hospital, Yuto still would come up with nothing to say to him. Though there’s so much going on inside him every single time he remembers that he’s still sleeping until today, undisturbed. And that every chance and hope started slipping away from them to see him wake up from his sleep.

            So, Yuto usually would just sit right beside his bed, just silently watching his chest heaving up and down slowly. Feeling a slight relief that he’s breathing still. While thinking what he should say to him? Or what Yamada would like to hear him say? It frustrates Yuto.

            _“He signed the divorce paper all ready…”_

_“W-what?”_

_“He just went back from my office after taking care of the divorce paper, that day when he got the accident. I should be giving you the files the day after, but with the given circumstances, I decided to adjourned the process. He’s suing you a divorce, Yuto…”_

            His conversation with Yamada’s attorney earlier this morning adds on to the recklessness of his heart. Then, Yuto heard the door’s cracked open. He darted his gaze to the room’s door and saw Hikaru’s standing on the doorway. Looking at him with a quite undescribable eyes.

            “It’s Chii,” Hikaru spoke up and instantly had Yuto’s whole attention upon the mentioning of the very name. “He woke up… He’s looking for you…” And without anymore words, Yuto stands up from his seat and immediately dashed out of the room. Leaving Hikaru glued on his place before he’s slowly moving his eyes to his sleeping step brother on the bed. He closed his eyes, trying so hard to suppress the rattling anger builds within him. Just how everything got so messed up as this…


End file.
